Kamis, 05 Desember 2013

Being ill

For so many times i get sick. Get this kind of illness or those kind of illness. For so many times, i keep struggling for my health. But, i was alone during that time, i dont feel like i will hurt anyone. As if my parents, they have another daughter. But, now, am sick again, also with worse condition, and am not alone. I had husband beside me. That make this illness even worse. I have to go with him tru this pain, which is more painful. I just want share happiness with him, not illness. Its will hurt him, hurt my parents more.
God, i keep questioning why all this things happen to me. I wonder why God keep testing me with all this. I dont want to said that am angry at You, but somehow i do feel you hate me. Why me God? I know am not faithfull moslem, but somehow, i just want to make my people around me happy. I dont want to be sad source for them. I wish i can understand God reason why having me like this easily....but i cant...
God, just give me health like other people. They have health, can do anything and can have kids. And make their husband or parents happy. I want to do both, make my husband happy, and make my mom feel easy about her life.
I dont want to say, just allow me die God, becaused i dont want to die. But, somehow, all this illness ruin my feeling and emotion God.
God, please, allow me to get healthy again. Can do this and that again. No more illness and please, allow me to make my husband happy to have healthy wife God. Please God. Please...Please...

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